


The fun adventures of Guillermo and Jenna

by Strange_doll_from_Hell



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Cosplay, Friendship, Mathematics, Murder, Silly, implied guillermo x nandor, implied nadja x jenna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 18:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20782787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strange_doll_from_Hell/pseuds/Strange_doll_from_Hell
Summary: Guillermo and Jenna have to work together to save their favorite vampires. Somes strange vampire myth is involved.





	The fun adventures of Guillermo and Jenna

**Author's Note:**

> It's just a little story about two characters I'd like to see intergir together more often (in fact, I'd like to see more Jenna in general).Also, I know it's a strange premise but it's literally my favorite vampire weakness.Also, not all my stories are related but I keep my headcanons the same for all unless the show contradicts them.

Camera focus on Guillermo

-The problem when you're a familiar is that having a job is a little impossible and most vampires don't have modern currencies.  
Show Nandor throwing an antique coin to a cashier.  
-Of which I am often forced to pay for my master.  
Show Guillermo paying the cashier.  
-So my means are quite limited. I have some money in reserve and I'm trying to find ways to collect some.  
Show Guillermo in a panthshop with several objects and clothes. He makes his most beautiful smile, but the owner looks at him unconvinced.  
-But that's okay, it's just until I become a vampire. Only one more year to go! Said Guillermo with a big smile. -But in the meantime, I must make some sacrifices.  
Show Guillermo in a great market with a basket containing a family bag of rice, pasta, ketchup, beans, carrots and 3 food canes, looking in his wallet.  
Cashier:  
-You're $1.50 short.  
Guillermo continued to search his wallet and pockets without results. Finally, an old man got tired of it and deposited money with Guillermo, thanking him abundantly.  
Back to the residence.

* * *

  
An angry woman's scream is heard.  
Nandor, Guillermo and Colin Robinson rush into the kitchen. A bat passed them at full speed to try to get into the room before it stops when it hears:  
-DON’T YOU DARE BLOODY COME HERE LASZLO!!!  
Laszlo listened to him and took up his human form again, but he still took a look at the room. His expression then changed abruptly to reveal his true face and looked towards Guillermo.  
-You! What are you fucking thinking?  
He wanted to run towards Guillermo but Nandor stood between them.  
-What's the problem, Laszlo? Ask Nandor.  
-Nadja is stuck in the kitchen because of HIM!  
\--How is it my fault?" asked worried Guillermo, still hiding behind Nandor.  
-You're the only one who eats human food, right?" asked in a contemptuous voice Laszlo.  
-Yes, but in what way...  
-Your fucking bag of rice fell on my wife!  
If Guillermo hadn't been used to whims and eccentricities for 10 years, he would probably have laughed in Laszlo's face. The fact that Nandor is making a shock sound and Colin saying flatly:  
-Ah, that explains where this misery comes from.  
-I-I'm not sure I understand? says Guillermo.

* * *

cut to Nandor  
-We vampires are incredibly dangerous and powerful! But we also have several weaknesses: some are quite well known as the sun, the stake in the heart or garlic. Others are less well known, and it suits us honestly. The less vampire hunters know, the better. But the director of the documentary said that one of their sponsors was Bat live matter, so I trust you.  
Nandor signals the camera to come closer and whispers:  
-Vampires are all arithmomania: it means that if we spill grains, rice or seeds, we need to finish counting these under any circumstances. You must stay close to the seeds and you cannot move away from them until you have finished counting each of the grains. The sun is rising. It doesn't matter. You were wrong to forget a grain or to count it twice? It doesn't matter. You never learned to count? Vampirism doesn't care. I don't know if you know, but compulsory education for all is something very recent. So, a lot of vampires who had never learned before got stuck with no way out. For conclude, more vampires died because of cereals than because of vampire hunters.  
Shows a rice image with dramatic music.  
Nandor has a shiver.

Show Colin Robinson  
-Energy vampires are also sensitive to arithmomania. I’m belief that it is the closing thing that we will never know how our prey feel.

* * *

Return to the others.  
-So, you want me to count them for Nadja? Ask Guillermo.  
-No, you idiot. She must do it alone, scream Laszlo.  
-Can you keep your voice down, I'm trying not to make a mistake, scream Nadja from the kitchen.  
-Of course, my darling. Do you want us to bring a chart to help you?  
-It's okay, I'll manage.  
Three hours later, Nadja is still stuck in the kitchen.  
Nadja despair to be able to get out of this damned situation one day when she felt her phone vibrating…making her lose his account again.  
Holding back her anger at the limited number of people with her number and knowing not to use it for no reason, she replied.  
-Hello!  
-Nadja! I'm so happy to talk to you! How are you doing? How are Laszlo and the others? I told you I ran into this girl who had put vomit in my locker in high school, and she try to contact me because wanted to sell me some kind of supplement and I said yes and I killed her, it was so cool!!!! Oh and...  
-Baby, I'm sure you did a wonderful massacre, but I'm busy right now.  
-Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn't want to bother you! I hope you’re going to be fine and if I can help…

-Actually…

* * *

-At least, with the newspapers, Nadja won't be able to burn if the sun rises.  
-Colin Robinson stops feeding on Laszlo, ordered Nandor as Laszlo seemed on the verge of ripping off the vampire's energetic head.  
When the group heard a cry of joy from the kitchen.  
-She succeeded! Laszlo said proudly.  
-Finally! Nandor sighed.  
Everyone rushed to the kitchen before Najda stopped them.  
-Don't come in! I'm still stuck but not for long thanks to my little Jenna!  
Guillermo felt irritated when he recalled the ex-vampire meals that Nadja had turned into a creature of the night on a whim. She had had in ten minutes what he had not had in ten years.  
-She knows someone who is a mathematical genius! She will help us find him and we can use it to get me out of this bloody kitchen! She just needs help looking for him.  
-All right, Gizmo can rent a car and go get them both, decided Laszlo  
-Excuse me, but why is Guillermo, who my familiar should get care this?  
-Because it's HIS FAULT if my wife is in this situation. And what would he have to do better? Bought you more glitters?? I think you can survive a night of doing it yourself!  
-Well, if you and Nadja didn't pass through your familiar like tissues, maybe you could use yours. Just ask your little vampire to do it alone. She must learn to manage on her own.  
-Said the grown-up vampire who still needs help brushing his hair!  
-I don't need any help brushing my hair! Guillermo is just a very good hairdresser!  
Nandor and Laszlo would then start roar one at the other.  
-Stop it, you stupid boys. You're wasting our time and feeding Colin Robinson, scream Nadja.  
Everyone turned to Colin whose eyes glow fluorescent blue.  
-Really?  
-I'm not going to let that energy go to waste, defended himself Colin Robinson.  
Laszlo sighed but eventually said:  
\- All right! All right! Do what you did with Gizmo, we're on our own.  
\- Thank you for being reasonable Laszlo and good luck to both of you. I'm sure your little vampire is doing well.  
Guillermo had a bad feeling but before he could say anything, Laszlo took advantage of an inattentive moment to push Nandor into the kitchen.  
-What the … Laszlo, son of a who..  
Nadja interrupted him by spilling two good handfuls of rice on his head.  
\- Courtesan, mother was a courtesan, he said with a smile before turning towards Guillermo.  
-I guess that now that the only option with for Gizmo is to join Jenna.

* * *

  
Guillermo had therefore set off sadly, taking the bus to join Jenna.  
Guillermo turns to the camera and says:  
-I don't really know what to think about Jenna. On the one hand, I'm still a little...uncomfortable with her since she became a vampire without effort but...my master would not have protected me from the vampire council if he doesn’t care about me. And maybe he unconsciously feels what I've learned about my family. But at the same time, I doubt more and more that a single familiar was ever be turned…

Guillermo took his head in his hands, about to have a break-down but the sound of the stop bell was heard. Guillermo gets up sadly and comes down to see a Jenna very excited to see him.  
-Hey Guillermo!

* * *

  
Cut to Jenna alone

-Hello, my name is Jenna Mercy-Brown. I became a vampire a few months ago thanks to my... friend Nadja. The transformation was quite intense...  
Archival image of Jenna vomiting and hunting small animals. Also, from her changing into a mix of bats and humans.  
-But since my first time (blush)  
Show Jenna killing a guy at the frat party.  
-Things are easier. Of course, I still have difficulties with different aspects of vampirism. But...I'm so glad I found my superpower!  
Show a man following a woman late at night, he takes out a knife but before he can do anything, Jenna appears and bites him with a carotene.  
-I learned that it's okay to be different.  
Show Jenna concentrates, turns into a crow and flies.  
-And my social life has never been so rich. And not just Nadja and her roommates. When she told me that I should explore the community, I thought it was just going to be like college again but…  
Show Jenna uncomfortable in a club, watching people having fun before going out. Once outside, she's drinking a person's blood. Suddenly a scream was heard, and Jenna looked up to see a girl in gothic lolita clothing.  
-OMG, a newbie!  
Shows her own victim.  
-I’m Marianne. Do you want to join us?  
Jenna nods her head with a big smile.  
Return on Jenna alone  
-I'm really happy.

* * *

  
-This is ridiculous, I'm Nandor the Relentless: I put cities under fire, conquered territories in the east and west, sowed a forest of corpses and created an ocean of blood! I'm not supposed to be…  
-167…168…no 167…You made me lose my bloody account, said Nadja with a threatening cold voice.

* * *

Cut to Laszlo and Colin Robinson looking in supply boxes.  
-Are you sure the calculator is here? Aren't you just nibbling on me?  
-That's where I see it last time.  
A scream can be heard in the background, Colin's eyes turn fluorescent blue and Laszlo just raises his shoulders and keeps digging.

* * *

  
-How are you, Guillermo?  
-I'm... okay under the circumstances, I guess. And you? Still like to be a vampire?  
-So much! I miss the sun a little bit, but I feel so good about myself now. I have better control over my powers too, I almost master the transformation, I just sometimes miss the faces...  
\- That's good, but we should hurry, said Guillermo with a forced smile.  
-Off course, even as a vampire, I still talk too much. Let's go to the office.  
-So what was the plan exactly? Ask Guillermo  
-Oh yes, Darius! He was receiving help like me so I was thinking I could ask the manager to give me her information. I practiced my hypnosis, it works 1 time out of 3," smiles Jenna proudly.  
Something was telling Guillermo that he would be the one who should find it. Wonderful.

* * *

  
Jenna tried to get into the office, but she couldn't even move the handle to her amazement.  
-Why isn't it working? I had the right to enter before!  
-Is it for students with difficulties? asked Guillermo.  
-Yes.  
-Are you still a student?  
\- Euh no... I kind of gave up since the classes are all during the day.  
Guillermo sighed  
-Alright.  
He then knocked on the door.  
-Please, come in. But hurry, we close in 15 minutes.  
Jenna felt the invisible barrier that blocked her disappearing and was able to move on after Guillermo.  
-Hello," said Jenna immediately. -I don't know if you remember me?  
-Not really.  
-My name Jenna Mercy-Brown, I studied here last semester and I came here because of my...  
-I really don't remember you, continued the counselor.  
Jenna looked wounded but recovered, taking a determined look.  
-I want you to give me Darius White's address, please.  
Guillermo recognized the tone used by vampires when they hypnotized people.  
-I'm sorry, what? asked the counsellor vaguely.  
-Heu... I will need Darius White's address or phone number please," asked Jenna, having given up her hypnotic tone.  
-This information is personal, and you had no access to it.  
-But it is important....  
But already the counsellor had started to ignore her again. Jenna looked like she was about to cry but her eyes turned a red hue too. Guillermo already regrets but he had to personally settle the damage: food and defense, that's all.  
-I'm sorry to bother you, but...  
-But what? asked the counsellor, more and more annoyed.  
-Listen to me, I know it's bending them a little bit, but Jenna's parents insisted that we meet the young man for the next step. That's why I'm here, to make sure it's this young man Darius White.  
-I'm not sure I understand…  
-Well, you know Jenna had to leave in a hurry and even if it's not that obvious right now to notice a slight change in her.  
-Are try to say…. Let me hear you say that....  
-Just say that Miss Mercy-Brow's parents are quite conservative and I'm here to check some details with the young man for medical reasons. I guess I can still call them, and we can make a request directly to …  
-I'll see what I can do, cut it off quickly the councilwoman.

* * *

  
-It was so awesome! shouted Jenna on the bus with Guillermo.  
-It was no big deal.  
-Are you kidding? You were great! You don't even have hypnosis and you managed to pull the worms out of her!  
-Thank.  
Guillermo wasn't going to lie; it was nice to receive such enthusiastic compliments. Sometimes his master would give it to him but it wasn't the norm, Nadja would try to make an effort, he would give it to her and Laszlo... well he assumed that being nice to someone other than his wife was as deadly to him as the sun.  
He then had a long silence before Jenna broke him:  
-I hope you didn't get too angry because of... well, I'm a vampire. I know you've been waiting a long time to be too.  
-It's okay, I just need to be patient," he cut her off.  
He really didn't want to talk about this with Jenna, especially with his new information about his family and his observations on familiar in general. She had done nothing to deserve her anger and he still tried to feed her to the vampires.  
-I'll try to encourage them to change you as much as possible. I didn't really have the opportunity to interact with Nandor but Nadja is the most wonderful person I have met; I like Colin even though he takes energy from time to time and Laszlo and I have started to bonds. I lent him my Emilie Autumn CDs and he gave me his collections of the Pearl magazine.  
-Thank, it very sweet from you.  
-I'm sure you'd be a really cool and badass vampire! In fact, it's probably the fact that you're so talented that's hurting you.  
-What do you mean?  
-Well, if you became a vampire, you couldn't do everything you do for Nandor anymore. Nadja often complains that she would like a familiar like you.  
-Did Nadja ever tell you if my master knew when he would change me? Guillermo suddenly asked intrigued.  
Jenna bit her lips hesitantly and let a large amount of hemoglobin flow on her chin. She wiped off the blood and finally spoke:  
-No, but she said that Nandor should make a choice soon. She said: Nandor treats him like his horse and will probably react in the same way. It remains to be seen whether he prefers to keep him to the end or let it go as he sees fit.  
-I'm not sure I understand.  
-It…it's just my interpretation…but I think she meant that Nandor likes you, but he knows you'll leave as soon as you're a vampire. But I didn't interact much with him, maybe I'm wrong and Nadja is trying to be nice.  
This idea shocked Guillermo: given his experiences with other familiars, he had really started thinking that his master would not keep his promise. But he was also willing to sacrifice himself for him during their trials. It seemed ridiculous though: the powerful Nandor the Relentless didn't want to lose him?  
-Guillermo, are you all right? Your eyes look damp.  
-Yes, of course, of course. Just allergies! Oh, look, we're here.

* * *

  
-Do you have any idea what you're going to say? Ask Jenna.  
-I'm not sure, you know him better than I do, an idea of something that would make him follow us.  
-I don't know, he was nice, but we never had a big conversation. Could I try to use hypnotism again at worst?  
-You can't force someone to do something that goes against their instincts," explained Guillermo.  
-You could say we're having a party?" clumsily proposed Jenna.  
-Let's just get started by ring the bell.  
Exciting, Guillermo and Jenna waited outside the door of what seemed like a surprisingly cozy apartment.  
A young man of Jenna's age opened the door:  
-Hi  
-Hi Darius White? Ask Guillermo.  
-It's me, what do you want?  
-My name is Alessandro and I don't know if you remember Jenna...  
-Never seen her in my life, says Darius ignoring Jenna's destroyed expression.  
-We see each other every week for...  
-I understand you're extremely good at mental math...  
-Okay, is this for schoolwork, a stock market game or some kind of sex game? interrupted Darius  
-Ex-Excuse me? Guillermo laughed nervously looking at a Jenna as confused as he is.  
-You come looking for me in the middle of the night for questions about math. I think I have a right to know. My fees will depend on it.  
That at least explains the apartment.  
-For someone with OCD?

* * *

  
-Well, it's about time! Laszlo said as he opened the door for them.  
-Good evening Laszlo, said Jenna with enthusiasm. -We did everything we could, but the traffic was intense.  
-Good evening child, is that the....  
-It's Darius, introduced Jenna.  
-It seems that your wife and roommate have a debilitating OCD form....  
-My wife is not debilitating! became angry Laszlo, red began to color his eyes.  
\- He means that his OCD is preventing him from doing anything, that's all! Quickly said Guillermo while Jenna was acting as human (vampire) shield for Darius.  
Laszlo seemed still angry but calmer, let them in.  
-I know the counters are closed at this time but I hope to be paid first thing in the morning," Darius continued.  
-You will be. Now if you'll follow me to the kitchen," Guillermo continued.  
Jenna seemed to stay close to Laszlo to keep him calm and ask question:  
-Where's Colin Robinson?  
-Going to sleep a few hours before going to work after that he eat like a pig on us," Laszlo said coldly.  
Once there, Guillermo was able to see Nadja who seemed to be on edge and her master looked deeply unhappy. Also, what seemed to be long strands of bloody hair on the floor.  
-Guillermo, finally!  
-Jenna baby! You look so grown up!  
Jenna wanted to join her, but Laszlo is holding her back in time.  
\- Stay here, little one!  
-So, Darius began. -I just need to know the brand of the bag, the format and how much approximately had been consumed.  
\- Guillermo," said Nandor to our guest, while Nadja throws what's left of the bag out of the room.  
\- Uh... two cups, I think....  
\- You don't know the exact number? said shocked Laszlo.  
Guillermo looked at the camera clearly trying not to roll his eyes.  
\- I'm okay with this information, Darius reassured him. He took out his phone and started calculating.  
-Okay, so by considering the weight, the height, an average of the dose taken, and it makes us.... Somewhere between 1457 and 1483!  
\- Can't you be more specific?" asked frustrated Laszlo.  
\- You are free to take another opinion if you had another at your disposal," smiles the young man.  
Laszlo rather than him jump at the throat as Guillermo would have thought, began to scrutinize the young man.  
-What are you doing?  
\- I checked to see if your eyes were turning fluorescent blue.  
-Huh?  
-Forget it," said Jenna quickly.  
-All right said in an empty voice Darius.  
Jenna realizing that her hypnosis had worked, turned to Nadja.  
-Did you see that?  
\- Yes, congratulations my cutie! Laszlo leaves him alone; we can work on his average. Isn't that Nandor?  
\- Of course, said Nandor, looking a little intimidated at Nadja.

* * *

  
The number of rice grains turned out to be 1462 and the two vampires were finally able to leave the kitchen.  
\- It's about time! Guillermo's going to clean up so we don't have to do it again!  
-Yes, master, says exhausting the familiar.  
-Could we talk about my fees? Ask Darius.  
This caught Nadja's attention, who approached the young man in a seductive way.  
-Of course, you want to be paid in money or you preferred something else? she continued, stroking Darius hair and pressing against him.  
-Uh... well... I would never dare ask you to do that... but if you are comfortable with it... said the latter blushingly but did nothing to repel her.  
Nadja smiled, then began to kiss her neck to the great joy of the young man... until her lips formed a scream that never came out while a sound of sucking was heard.  
-Hey, I'm hungry too! Nandor scream.  
Nadja gave up her meal until she answered, ignoring the blood that was being thrown on the wall.  
-Order something, she replied.  
-What it necessary? If you're ever stuck again... says uncomfortable Jenna.  
-We won't need it anymore because it won't happen again, will it, Gizmo? Laszlo asked with an expression that said I will tear out your tongue if you say otherwise.  
-But he can't buy anything else, complained Jenna.  
-Honey, it's not your responsibility if he can't manage his money, Nadja bid.  
-Paying for all of you is expensive! said upset Guillermo.  
-Don't answer us! It's enough that Nandor uses his hypnosis to help you and lets you keep some of our meal money! said Laszlo angry.  
-Am doing what?  
The couple and Jenna turned to Nandor surprised before questioning him:  
-Aren't you using your hypnosis to get discounts? Or make it look like old coupons are still good? Ask Laszlo. -I think we're still paying for bread at the cost of the Great Depression…  
-He's not allowed to have something like 15% on the amount of money found on your victims? Or give him the discounts on them? It's not like a two-pizza coupon for the price of one is useful for you! Nadja said angry.  
Guillermo thinks it's a dream: Nadja and Laszlo were defending him. Somewhere along the way, it must have had a chicken with teeth growing out of it.  
-I-I don't have to take any criticism from you about the way I treat my familiar! You could never keep one for more than 3 years! tried to defend himself Nandor.  
-None of them have ever starved to death, Nadja says coldly. -The closest one was the one who had a fatal allergic reaction.  
-In our defense, I was sure that pollock was a fish, not a seafood," said Laszlo.  
-I probably would have thought the same thing," said Jenna, compassionate.  
-You know what? Nadja said as she searched Darius' body to extract his wallet, which she handed to Guillermo. -You can buy pizzas, popcorn and anything else you want EXCEPT rice! No, but bloody hell Nandor, how he's still alive!?  
Then her tone changed:  
-Come on, baby, I want you to tell me everything! Have you made any friends?  
-Oh yes, I met this vampire really nice and she has a roommate who is an incubus ... Jenna continued, as Nadja and Laszlo guided her to their crypts. Leaving Guillermo and Nandor alone with Darius' corpse. Guillermo finally broke the silence:  
\- I'll take care of the body…  
\- Let it go. You'll take care of it tomorrow. Just get him out of the way.  
While Guillermo drags the body, Nandor added:  
\- Are you going to have enough money with what you have in your wallet to eat?  
\- Let me check it out, master. Enough for a sandwich, coffee and maybe some fruit? He has McDonald coupons too.  
-Good.

* * *

Guillermo's cup talking to the camera.  
-Since the incident with rice, things have improved a little. Understood me, my master was never cruel to me, just...a little forgotten about my needs. Now he try to do better.

Shows Guillermo and Nandor at the grocery store. Nandor reads a list:  
\- They say you need at least 3 fruits a day... They mean 3 different kinds or just 3 fruits?  
\- It's okay, master, I can handle it...  
\- No! I don't want you to take the wrong ones and get sick!  
Guillermo has a tender smile:  
-I trust you, master.

* * *

-Are you sure you don't want to come? Ask Jenna.  
The young vampire was wearing a black school uniform and a magenta wig.  
-Sure. I wanted to let you girls have fun, Laszlo insisted. -I'm glad you're so close. Just know that...  
...You will tear my heart out if I break hers," Jenna added with a smile. -I think it's pretty romantic in a Yandere way.  
-Yandere?  
Before Laszlo can ask for a definition, Nadja joins them. She was wearing a Victorian prom dress and had her hair looped up.  
-When did you think? I admit I don't know what's convenient for Comicon.  
Jenna made a sound of joyful amazement and Laszlo complimented her:  
-A shame I haven't seen you in there in so long. I'm sure the virgins will appreciate it too.  
-And the rest is fun too. Everyone's going to want to take a picture of us! Continued overexertion Jenna.  
-Pictures? I hope to receive one too," Laszlo said, looking at his wife with desire.  
-Laszlo! scolded him nicely Nadja. -If you're good, she smiles before giving her attention to Jenna:  
-Come on, baby, we don't want to be late.  
-Have fun and Jenna, don't do anything I wouldn't do!

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm still not sure if it's Nadja x Jenna or if a more family relationship is canon. I guess it's not that important but just so you know, that's why you can read it one way or the other. Also, cookies for those who can guess Jenna's and Nadja's cosplay.


End file.
